Heald's Pre-Posterous

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M Stands For MUH HA HA HA

Dealing with BMW's M3 (a wolverine in poodle garb if ever there was one) is a very interesting task. It's ludicrously strong, and even though 414 horsepower and a curb weight of 3,700 looks pretty screamy on paper it actually feels a bit quicker than even these figures imply. My tester was equipped with BMW's new 7- speed Dual Clutch Automatic, and while it's magnificent at getting the power to the rear wheels with amazing urgency I never felt completely comfortable with it. It's a technological Tour De Munich, with a number of modes to confuse the initial user. BMW states, "The Drivelogic control offers 11 different shift programs to suit the needs of individual drivers. Drivelogic offers 5 programs that allow for automatic operation of the transmission as well as 6 manual programs." I'd opt for the 6-speed manual transmission, just to avoid all these all-powerful silicon chips.
The Dual Clutcher is pretty heavy stuff, and the weird little control unit in the console that operates it (along with the now common paddle shifters on the wheel for manual mode) is as mildly irritating as the iDrive controller, which is still a marvel of ergonomic and functional inefficiency. The M also wasn't real wild about staying in reverse, and shifted pretty abruptly at times. God only knows what this test mule has been through, though, as it did have over 4,000 press miles on it and who knows what some of these vile journo-punks did when nobody was looking. Annoyances aside, this is a wicked-fast, wicked-handling and brilliantly-braked piece of hardware. lt's such a great size, too, and answers the question of what would happen if a Mitsubishi Evo swallowed a Viper. True, the electronics dictate an owner's manual so vast it has to live in the trunk, but such are the times we live in. 

Posted May 26, 2010