Heald's Pre-Posterous

Big Bottom, Drives Me Out of My Mind

Wow. Who woulda thunkit, especially those among whom I would describe as great thunkers? I think even great ponderers of Deep Things would never have foreseen the expansion of the enormous Butt in American luxury cars to now include two legendary marques, who have been engaged in mortal combat for nearly a century. If you recall (or better yet, scroll down and read Does This Butt Make My Car Look Fat?  below) I stated something along the lines that the new Cadillac SRX has a rather bodacious butt. It’s huge, man. It dominates the styling of the vehicle, unless you stand right in front of it. That said, even when stationed directly in front of the sucker you can sense there’s an Ass the Won’t Quit stalking you. In the words of the late Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, it’s like the mark of a great nude painting when the bottoms follow you around the room.  

In a direct response to this bold, bombastic backside, Ford’s Lincoln division has responded with their Lincoln MKT, which also has some big-ass boom in the basement. It’s based on the Ford Flex platform, which is basically a shoebox on wheels so it really doesn’t resemble the Lincoln version in the styling department. The Flex is buttless, the MKT is totally a BFD in the BBB. Hey, the SRX is fine, but check the cheeky styling on the big Lincoln. I said it before and I’ll say it again: It’s huge, man. What’s going on here? 

I have no idea. As for the rest of the car, I sampled a new EcoBoost twin-turbocharged V6 which was very smooth and strong, but as the whole point of this complex mill is to deliver the performance of a V8 with the mileage of a lowly V6 I was disappointed. I averaged 16 MPG, which is V8 Tahoe territory. This did not impress me. Like the Flex I never feel like the thing is as big as it should be on the inside, considering the dimensions on the outside. But otherwise, build quality is top-notch, it handles quite decently considering the caboose, and it has a killer mega-moonroof and a fine sound system. Oh, and for Ford’s Sync, suffice it to say that’s another topic for another day. 

I wish to point out I got through this narrative with very few Spinal Tap references, aside from the title. Not sure why I did this. I love those guys. 
Mkt

Keep the Hybrid, Lose the Vermin

They are controversial, as a lot of motorheads (including too many auto journalists that I never hang with) hate them, for they find the concept of fuel efficiency and amazingly low emissions boring and prefer raw power and big, brawny styling. Hybrids are weenie little cars that should be ground beneath the wheels of Power Wagons and Raptors, for fuel mileage and low emissions mean nothing. Right? Torque is everything, and climate change concerns are for Al Gore and his liberal weenie followers.
I do not grok these sad, punk-ass ignorant thoughts. I am quite found of pretty much every production hybrid I’ve driven (with the exception of some early GM efforts that were really hybrids in name only), and enough time and mileage has gone by that the public has discovered these are amazingly reliable vehicles. Toyota gets the credit for really mainstreaming the hybrid automobile and establishing a huge base of satisfied customers, and now they are expanding hybrid technology to all corners of their extensive product offerings, including their top-shelf Lexus line. I was able to score a Lexus HS250h sedan, which is really interesting in that unlike a lot of US Lexus models it’s not a car that resembles an existing Toyota model that gets luxuriated to the Lexus standard. This sedan, which is unique in the family, does seem familiar in that it’s kind of like if you blended a Prius and Camry (sorry, ES350) together. Toyota calls it, “Lexus’ first dedicated hybrid model,” meaning here in the states there is no non-hybrid version of this car, like the Prius but unlike the Camry. An Inline Four engine is mated to an electric motor and a CVT gearbox, and there are different modes you can use to tune the performance of the front-drive drivetrain to perform at different levels (like eco or power). There’s also an EV mode, where you can purr along engineless at low speed for a mile or two like a ‘lectric lion. The handling is considerably sharper than the Camry, as it’s sprung a bit firmer. The cabin is narrow, but very comfy and loaded with high tech geekology. Too much, in my view, when we discuss the Remote Touch Controller which is very much like a computer mouse and resembles Audi’s Multi Media Interface and BMW’s iDrive. I will be candid, as I can on this lovely little site: I hate all of these things. They require you to literally go through more motions than is necessary for a variety of simple actions; the kinds of things (like tamper with the radio) that are much more easily accomplished with a more traditional array of intelligently-designed controls. But they look really slick and cool, and while I expect such over-engineered technoscheiss from BMW and Audi I’m disappointed that Lexus ran with this goofology.
But there is other ubertech that is most welcome. Adaptive cruise control that works well (the radar sensor is in the middle of the grill), a very advanced Pre-Collision System, the lane wandering light goober, and other goodies too numerous to mention (there’s at least ten airbags, too). Oh, then there’s a favorite, a bit of simple but brilliant engineering called an Exhaust Heat Recovery System. In the words of Lexus, the bit of exhaust output scavenging “captures the heat of spent exhaust gases to speed engine coolant warm-up and allow the hybrid system to stop the engine earlier and more often in the driving cycle when it’s not needed, for example in low power demand conditions in city driving.”

I love the fact that we’re finally trying to capture what used to be waste and make it work for us, just like regenerative braking takes the kinetic energy of the hybrid you’re driving and use it to recharge the battery. Simple. Elegant.
And speaking of elegant, this is a very classy sedan. A very solid, satisfying Lexus that returned 34 MPG, in a certain silence. A good way to go, overall, if the room suits you.

Kia Kreates a Koup

Well, what have we here? What we have is the Kia Forte Koup, which is a two-door sibling to the Kia Forte sedan (which is actually quite interesting its ownself). I actually met this chap at an excellent party thrown during the NYC Internat'l Auto Show, like, two years ago. The car was parked in a small and very cool little art gallery, and shrouded (except for a portion of the front bumper and one headlight) in a fashionable wrap. It was a pretty clever way to tease the sportiest Kia we've ever seen, although it did take a pretty long time for it to appear in showrooms.

Anyway, it's finally on the road and very different than what I expected. First, it's very affordable. From a styling standpoint, I think it's pretty outstanding. The overall form is well proportioned; with fast, swoopy lines that are familiar yet manages to have a look all its own. Inside, there are some pleasant surprises. The seats are pleasingly supportive with great lateral bolsters and the big thing is this tight little Coup (Sorry. Koup) has more room than you would expect. Even the rear seat can handle actual humans, and it's pretty comfy which is unusual in this class. They have done a nice job with this creature in all the things that will please folks who want something that says "hey, lookit me," and yet you can take a few folks along without excessive bitching, as long as they aren't Ents. There's a decent-sized trunk, too, and 60/40 foldable seatbacks so there is some practicality in this K-Car.

Where I was disappointed was the performance, for while it wasn't a slug (and I had the larger of the two Inline Fours but a 4-Speed Automatic) you just wanted more given the look and atmosphere of the cockpit. Handling is reasonably crisp, with decent suspension compliance. Brakes were a high point, with really short stopping distances and excellent feedback.

But hey, the price of admission is such that it's not hard to realize why this is a front-drive inline Four instead a Rear-drive V6 or V8-powered Road Warrior in a tux. Once I got around that, I say well done. I just was completely seduced when I first saw the thing and was thinking it might be a Kia-ized Genesis coup (Hyundai owns Kia) but they decided to go their own way and keep it affordable and economical. Because of this, it sort of occupies its own niche which can be a very good thing as long as said niche appeals to enough customers. We shall see, but I think it might do well.

The Challenger Is Victorious

The fact that the Big Three US (I know, the American identity is debatable on many fronts) automakers have embraced their pony car past is quite interesting to me. Yes, even given the fact that by and large prospective car buyers want the latest tech and decent fuel economy when looking for a new car, the firms believe that their product lines are big enough to allow the likes of a retro hoopty like a Camaro, Mustang or Challenger in the mix. I’m old enough to remember the originals in their heydays (although I wasn’t old enough to drive them just yet; only later did a sample some used units) and it became clear that I never really had the pony car gene. While the Camaro SS, Pontiac Trans Am and Ford Mustang GT where lusted after by most males when I was a teenager, my tastes gravitated toward Datsun Z cars and International Scout IIs. Weird, I know, but that’s what I was into. Motorcycles came later, and totally have dominated my ideas about street performance. That said, these days I do enjoy a fast, great handling sports coupe as much as anybody.

But in terms of these new retros, it’s an interesting choice these days. Time has marched on, and sports cars in general offer the kind of overall performance (especially in terms of handling and braking) that the old pony cars couldn’t get near, with the exception of pure, straight-line standing-start acceleration. So the resurgence of the Mustang, Camaro and Challenger is really fascinating to me, because I’ve always wondered who these cars are really built for. It seems a person that wants to recapture that original pony car magic would likely be in their mid 50s at least, and yet there’s no denying that if you’re behind the wheel of any of these retro runners you get noticed everywhere you go by folks in every age group. Both Ford and Chevy sold around 7,500 of their pony cars in July, which some auto analysts have described as hot sales. I guess that is good, but Toyota sold 5 times as many Camrys. Different animals, I know, but when you consider how badly Detroit needs to sell a lot of cars to get back on their feet, do these trophy cars make any sense from a production standpoint?

I know, who cares? People like these things, at least to look at, and the Camaro/Mustang grudge match is back on after decades of dormancy. The thing is, after having sampled the Camaro SS and RS, the Mustang GT and the Dodge Challenger SRT8 and SE, I have to give the clear nod to the least popular of these cars, the Challenger. There’s something about this car that seems to work much better in its retro muscle car mission than the other two, especially the Camaro which is surprisingly claustrophobic and just generally not much fun to drive. The Mustang has kind of a cheap feel to me, and c’mon, a live rear axle? It’s like it’s part F150.
The Challenger is a big ol’ lump that is entertaining, and actually handles well (although the steering on the SE I have right now is light, and the V6 a tad weak. Anybody who buys any of these things w/a V6 doesn’t get it). The bottom line here is, in my most humble opinion the Challenger is just more fun that the other two by a margin, and that’s why you’d buy one of these cars after all. There’s also room for actual adults in the rear seat, the front buckets offer superb support, it seems well-built and even the trunk is excellent. It has also got this genuine Mad Max persona, although the Road Warrior drove a Ford Falcon. Times change, mate.

SeBringIt

Chrysler has had a pretty rough time with the pretty rough times the auto industry has been dealing with. What with the bankruptcy, alliance with Fiat and associated complications the fact that, yes, they build and sell cars you can get a dealership down the street has almost been overshadowed.
So it was a very pleasant surprise that a new Sebring Limited Convertible rolled into the Top Secret Area Fiddy-one Test Facility last week, because what I thought was going to be a kludged-out yawner has turned out to me a very pleasant experience. The cloth convertible top (a folding steel version is also available) is unusually stout with two thick layers and is quite quiet at speed. When you hit the button to put said top down, it folds neatly into the trunk in the fashion similar to the steel units and even leaves a bit more trunk space that usual for a bit of practicality (with the top up trunk room is generous, with outstanding access thanks to the clamshell trunk lid). There's a lot less cowl shake with the top down than with a lot of other convertibles out there, and overall the sucker feels very solid and well-built. A product of the state of Michigan (imagine that), I also discovered a smooth, refined powertrain, great brakes, supple ride and an overall enjoyable driving experience. You can also fit actual adults in the back, provided they're not Ents. Pretty dadgum decent car, this 'Bring. Consumer Reports hated the one they tested, but that was in 2008 and they seem to have experienced a very different car compared to the one I've got. That certainly happens, and I in no way impugn their authority as overall they really are the the best out there. But who knows? As for me, we likes this one, a lot.

Sebringit

A Pinch of Salt

Me and the Missus had a rare night out last night, where we enjoyed movie and a dinner. An aside: I dearly desire to change the whole dinner and a movie chronology, because it is flawed. First, see the movie. Then, have an excellent repast. I especially, and strongly recommend this for a first date. Why? Simple. It works whether you're on your first date, or have been together 20+ years like Danielle and me. You have an immediate, shared experience that's already on your mind, to discuss over a meal. It is fresh, and it (and I'm quoting my hero Ricky Bobby here), JUST HAPPENED. If it's your first date, the awkwardness of early getting to know each other conversation gets mixed in with talking 'bout that wild flick you just watched. Two people go to see a film, they often see two different films. It can actually tell you a lot.
And as for us mature relationship types, we can talk about the film and get away from the day-to-day for a bit. Lovely.
So anyway, I've always disliked film reviews since I often read ones of movies I worked on (few as they were) and there were so many conclusions reached by reviewers that claimed to know what the director, a true auteur, was thinking. "He chose the blue coffee cup, because it represents Picasso's Blue Period." No, you Dink, he chose blue because it's all they had on the prop truck.

Anyhow we saw Salt, with Angelina Jolie (ooh la la) and Liev Schreiber ( ooh la sabretooth). We love both of these actors, and they and the rest of the cast were great. As was the editing. OK, here's my review: check your brain at the door, as there is much in this film that is, let us say, implausible, but so what? Buy the ticket, take the big-screen ride. It's fun. Angelina is a frail, lovely thing that looks like a supermodel, but she could never pull off this role if she didn't actually have serious backbone. She makes you believe she is unstoppable, as she is very good at her craft.
Of course, the fact that I now own the bike she rode in the film (her actual on-screen saddle time was just a few seconds, but she does actually ride) may have influenced why we saw the film in the theater. But there are some great twists and turns in the movie. Enjoy.

 

Ummmm Hmmmmm

Let's face it: unlike the motorcycle world, there isn't really a huge variation in engine types among new autos for sale in the US. You have your Inline Fours, Inline Fives, V6s, V8s, and the odd V12. Oh, and then there's the Flat Fours and Flat Sixes, so OK there is a bit of variety (and there are diesels in addition to gas models out there). But by far the most unique engine among the lot is the 1.3-liter RENESIS Rotary found in the Mazda RX-8. With 232 horsepower (with the 6-speed manual transmission) in a truly compact package, nothing in the world of internal combustion feels like this slick, unique mill. This engine design has undergone constant tweaking over many decades, and is now a seriously fun way to haul around this equally unique rear-drive platform. It's silky smooth, hums in an intoxicating way and redlines at 9,000 RPM. Unlike earlier versions this latest permutation seems to have more low-end torque than before (although you still have to rev it a bit to get to the meat of the powerband). The car also has those funky rear-hinged rear doorettes that help access to the rear seats (and reminds me of the same rear door design of many, but thankfully not all, extended cab pickups).
All in all, this is a sports car that is truly unusual and (for me at least) a real ball to drive. Solid handling, great brakes and a very well-tuned suspension round out a grand touring kind of sports machine, and while it's not a true hard-core sportster it does hustle along quite confidently. The purr of the rotary's twin rotors seals the deal, and this is one Hummer I'm glad didn't go the way of the Dodo.

Posted July 25, 2010

Dr. Suess Would Have Loved It

I've noticed a trend that seems to be getting out of hand, and while it's possible there is a true functional reason behind it I still find it a be odd, and kinda hilarious. As the diesel engines for HD pickups become more and powerful, complex and sophisticated, the size of the exhaust pipes are getting X-Treme. The 2011 Chevy Silverado 2500 HD with the massive 6.6-liter Duramax Diesel has the biggest stock exhaust pipe I've ever seen on a light-duty (comparatively speaking) vehicle. Actually, it's really more of a tunnel to the engine than a pipe. It's the kind of thing that reminds me of a huge horn that might be blown by a creature from the imagination of Dr. Seuss, only not quite as ornate. Five inches in diameter, this thing. Does it make the driver feel more formidable? It ought to, considering the diesel w/ the 6-speed Allison transmission adds about $8395 to the price.

Posted July 17, 2010

Does This Butt Make My Car Look Fat?

Cadillac has had a lot of creative fun (or angst, depending on your point of view) trying to get the sport wagon thing down. I personally thought the original SRX that was axed after the 2009 MY was a really interesting vehicle, but they really didn't consider it a wagon (although if the old Olds/Buick Vista Cruisers/Sport Wagon sisters weren't wagons, then what were they?). The SRX arrived in '04, and was as square as a wagon could and therefore had decent room although it initially had some reliability issues.
Anyway, the 2010 SRX is very different and much more in the modern crossover SUV mold, but Cadillac in not only not done with the whole sport wagon thing, they are actually calling a spade a spade with the 2010 CTS (wait for it. . . ) Sport Wagon. Much sleeker than the original SRX and definitely more Sport than Wagon in many ways, it's pretty bold move but then again the sport wagon class is starting to gain popularity here in the US after considerable success abroad. This new entry is pretty tightly tied to the CTS sedan chassis, so there's not a whole lot of real wagon room and versatility. In fact, I have doubts about GM's claim that there is 53 cubic feet of space back there with the rear seats folded. But whatever. Most purchasers will probably just haul around priceless paintings or Ming vases anyway, and in this application it should work nicely. The Stay Puft CTS also handles well enough, and has a smooth RWD drivetrain with AWD available.

Posted July 10, 2010

Location, Location, Location

One of the first thins I noticed about the Camaro SS' 6.2-liter V8 when I opened the hood was how set back the engine is in the engine bay. This is in contrast to the V6 in the non-SS versions where the engine is mounted much closer to the front of the car, further from the lateral axis of the front axles (the red body is the SS, the Yellow the V6 RS). The big old lump of a V8 (made of aluminum, but still pretty heavy) in the SS is mounted much further towards the back, near the firewall, which has benefits in terms of centralizing the car's mass for better balance and therefore crisper handling. Another thing I like about this is on the cooling front, where there's more air around the engine and much more room for a larger radiator and associated chilling technologies.

Posted July 4, 2010